Star Fox GS: Shooting Stars

Star Fox GS presents the Star Fox Game Show…

Shooting Stars.

Christmas Special: Christmas Stars.

By Director-General C. Wai.

Key:

:: :: - Action or stage direction.

[ ] - Music or sound direction.

{ } - A thought that only the audience can hear.

< >- Anything in between these is a whisper.

|| || - Anything between these is sung, badly.

* * - Anything in between these is sung.

[Game Show Theme Tune for Shooting Stars]

Announcer: Welcome to the Christmas Special of Shooting Stars! Now, let us now introduce the contestants. Standing in a brilliant tweed jacket, we have Slippy Toad for the Star Fox Team. Every day, he has to hire an assistant in order to lift his toothbrush, since he doesn’t have the strength to do it himself. Also on the Star Fox Team is James McCloud, we managed to revive him, after we found his body trapped under 8 metres of snow. Apparently, he was trying to cool down on a hot Summer’s day, but actually used to much ice. Also on the Star Fox Team is Katt Monroe. Enough said.

::All of the Star Fox Team sit down at their desk, which has a Christmas tree next to it::

Announcer: On the Star Wolf Team, we now have Dr. Andross, Pigma Dengar and Andrew Oikonny. Now, let us introduce the hosts of our show, Rudolf Wadsworth and Peppy Hare!

::Rudi and Peppy dance on to the stage, which is decorated with Christmas trees and decorations. They start singing the Theme Tune::

Rudi: *Welcome to Shooting Stars*

Peppy: *Welcome whoever you are*

Rudi: *It’s a white Christmas*

Peppy: *So shut up and kiss us*

Rudi & Peppy: *So come along and let’s start Shooting Stars*

::A flight of stairs appears on the stage::

Peppy: And now let us introduce the team leader of the Star Fox Team, Fox McCloud.

::Fox appears at the top of the stairs and walks down::

Rudi & Peppy: [singing to the tune of ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’] *Fox McCloud Superstar. Come and join us for Christmas Stars! Fox McCloud Superstar. He is gay and wears a woman’s bra!*

Fox: [Sings to the tune of the movie song, the Men in Black] *Hey I’m not gay but this show is. It’s darn right stupid and remember that. They’ll take you away in the middle of the night, if you give their bosses a financial fright. Going bra suit with black ray bans on, walk in shadow, move in silence, guard against extra terrestrial violence. But yo they ain’t on the Government list, because they’re always really pissed.*

::The flight of stairs is taken away and replaced by dancing women and MIBs (Men in Bras):: [Music changes]

Fox, Rudi & Peppy: *Here come the Men in Bras. They won’t let you remember. Here come the Men in Bras. They can be such bad benders!*

Fox: *The MIB, Men in Bras, exclusive only to Shooting Stars! They take away troublesome stars, while wearing pretty woman’s bras. They command the Tesla Coil and shock every one that causes turmoil*

::Everyone starts dancing to the Theme Tune of the movie, the Men in Black for 2 minutes::

Peppy: Let’s give a big hello to the Cyclops Hunchback, Wolf O’Donnell!

Wolf: *Sometimes I think I’m the only one who’s sane, in this show which is inane. The MIB take me away, from this stupid show that’s gay.*

All except Wolf: [Singing to a Spice Girls Song] *If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Making love’s too awful with me in the end!* ::Everyone joins in, and Rudi starts singing badly::

All including Wolf: *If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. They are so crazy, they’ll drive you round the bend! If you wanna be my lover…*

Rudi: || Lover. ||

::Everyone cheers, and goes to sit behind their desk::

Peppy: Yes, and welcome to another hilariously funny and confusing episode of Shooting Stars, the game show that has a budget of £100. Now, let us introduce our score keeper, James Caws.

::The penguin, James Caws struts on to the scene wearing a suit::

Rudi & Peppy: [To the song, Easy Lover by Phil Collins] *He’s a Lawyer. He’ll get a hold on you; believe it. Like no other, before you know it you’ll be on your knees. He’s a sleazy Lawyer, he’ll take your heart but you won’t feel it. He’s a cheesy lawyer, before you know it he will eat your briefs!*

::James Caws sits down beside a drum kit::

Rudi: There you are, a nice plump lawyer. Just right for the frying pan.

Peppy: How are you James?

James: Don’t mess with me, all right? I’m warning you, I’m fully trained in the martial arts of Wai Chi.

Peppy: Consider us warned.

Rudi: So, Peppy, who’ve you got on your side then?

Peppy: I’ve got Dr. Andross, Andrew Oikonny, Pigma Dengar and Wolf O’Donnell. Who’ve you got?

Rudi: I’ve got James McCloud, Fox McCloud, Slippy Toad, and the lovely, Katt Monroe. ::Gets up:: [Snake Charming Music is played in background] Ooh, Katt. ::Rubs his thighs in a very lewd/seedy/dirty/smutty way:: You’re so lovely. Come, come with me and let us dance in joyous celebration that we are finally doing a Christmas episode. ::Leads her behind the desk, where he and Peppy were sitting. He falls. Both Katt and Peppy look down behind the desk::

Rudi: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Splash!]

Peppy: Well, Katt, you can sit down now. He’s fallen down a well. Told him not to put it there, but no… doesn’t listen to me. Well, I guess we’ll have to start the True or False Round without him. Now be warned. We have charged up the Tesla Coil today. It can now roast you into a crisp, golden brown turkey. So, let us start by giving the Star Fox Team a question. James, is it true that you are an alcoholic? No, that’s not the question. The real question is, ‘Is it true that when a dog smokes a cigar, it instantly becomes a toss-pot?’

James McCloud: I’d say, it would be true.

Peppy: Well, let’s find out. Bill, could you come here a moment?

::Bill Grey walks on to stage::

Andross: Bill’s a dog? From the game, I always thought he was a rabbit.

Peppy: Well, rabbit faced Bill, here’s a cigar. Smoke it.

Bill: But isn’t it bad for your health to smoke? And I’m not rabbit faced!

Peppy: Shut up, just inhale the cancer inducing fumes that will kill you. Don’t worry, we’ll put you into the re-animator if you die.

Bill: Okay. ::Lights cigar and smokes it:: Whoa! Psychedelic dude! Way cool, I think I’ll toss a few pots. ::Staggers off drunkenly and crashes into the ground::

Peppy: Well there you go, it’s true.

::Rudi climbs back up and sits back down::

Peppy: Ah there you are, Rudi. We were just starting the True or False Round, and it’s your turn to ask a question.

Rudi: Oh… well… okay. Dr. Andross. Here is your question. Is it true that a glove was found on Zoness, that is claimed to be able to make you invisible once you put it on?

Andross: I’d say it was true.

Rudi: Well let’s find out. I have the glove right here. ::Picks up a black glove:: There you go. It’s true.

Peppy: Well, put it on.

Rudi: Well, I can’t it’s a bit too small.

Peppy: Give it here! ::Snatches glove. Puts it on::

Rudi: Ooh, Peppy, where have you gone? You’re all invisible…

Peppy: No I’m not. The answer was clearly false. ::Takes glove off:: So, Katt, here is your question.

Rudi: ::Picks up glove and puts it on. Becomes invisible:: {Hm, I wonder if this glove does fit though...}

Peppy: Is it true that when Andross’ army first made a victory, he drank so much beer that he actually became sane?

Katt: Er, is it false?

Peppy: No, I’m afraid it was actually true.

Rudi: ::Takes off glove and becomes visible. Acts as if he didn’t even know that he was invisible:: So, Wolf. Here is your question. Is it true that Fox ran around the academy naked, shouting ‘Ricola’?

Wolf: Oh yeah, I was there. It happened. That was really funny.

Fox: ::blushes:: It wasn’t that funny.

Wolf: Yeah right.

Rudi: So I guess you’re saying that it’s true.

Wolf: What do you think?

Rudi: I feel like a barbecue ::brandishes the TCRC (Tesla Coil Remote Control):: Don’t you?

Wolf: I’m sorry.

Rudi: That’s better.

Peppy: Slippy. Is it true that there is only one brain cell in Andrew’s head?

Slippy: It’s true.

Andrew: Duh! Hey, that’s… er… duh… not… false?

Peppy: I’m afraid you’re wrong. Andrew’s head doesn’t have any brain cells at all. It just has a super dense material in it.

Rudi: Well, that’s the end of that round. So now we go over to James Caws, and ask, what are the scores, James Caw?

James Caws (whose name will be abbreviated to JC from now on): ::Drums on the kit very professionally:: Both Star Fox and Star Wolf have big egos! Star Fox has one point, while Star Wolf is in the lead with two!

Peppy: Now, let us go over to the Clip Round. We’ll show you a clip from a fanfic, and you must answer a question on it. Star Wolf, here is your clip. It’s from a scene from the fanfic, ‘Fabric of Society’.

::Cut to Clip::

" This is an unusual case," thought Fox grimly, as he looked down at the ground. " I never thought that my team would be assigned to this." Slippy was sitting on a rock, crying, with Peppy trying to calm him down. Falco was looking disgustedly at the plastic that lay before them. Police walked by, and cameras flashed.

" Who would do such a thing?" exclaimed Falco in disbelief. A dead body was at their feet. It was a female panther, that had been brutally murdered. She was pale, and neatly wrapped in plastic. The body itself was initially very clean, when it was first found, but know it was dirty with rocks and other things. There was no trace of blood anywhere near the body. It smelt as if it had been rubbed down by fish. Then again, it had been washed up on a riverbank.

" Do you know who this is?" Fox asked a local police officer. The officer was a male squirrel.

::Cut back to Studio::

Rudi: Your question is simple. What does the police officer say next?

Andrew: I think I’ve read this fanfic. Is it, "She’s Silvia Wood?"

Rudi: Well, let’s take a look.

::Cut back to Clip::

Police Officer: ::The police officer's lips do not move in time to what he is saying. It is obvious that what he says has been taped over:: I hate you. ::Turns round to Slippy:: And you’re a b*tch as well.

::Cut back to Studio::

Peppy: [Giggles] Maybe we shouldn’t have placed that recording over the voices.

Rudi: Nah, I like this change better. If the author has a problem, he can sort it out with me.

Voice of the Director-General C. Wai: Oh yeah? Well the author happens to be a friend of mine. You’ll fry for that.

::Lightning hits Rudi::

Rudi: ::He’s black and smoke is flying off him:: [Sizzle] I don’t usually smoke you know. ::His smoke sets off the fire sprinklers, and he gets soaked::

Peppy: Well, let’s carry on. Star Fox, here is your clip. We managed to obtain a never seen before footage of a rehearsal of a Michael Jackson performance.

All: [Scream] ::Everybody passes out::

Peppy: What? What did I say?

(5 Hours Later)

Rudi: Hey, Fox wake up. ::Slaps Fox on the face::

Fox: ::groggily:: Huh? What?

Rudi: Hey, Fox. You passed out. Probably the excitement of getting that question right.

Fox: What question?

Peppy: Well, now it’s on to the Impression Round. ::Rudi returns to his seat, as the others manage to wake up:: Rudi will perform a song in the club style, and you must guess what that song is. Hit it Rudi!

Rudi: || Ooh, I aah oooh ah it oodah. Mee foo nar tei fei gee shaw! Har ee kau braun cau. Ekek tee fro hauau ||

Fox: What the heck?

Wolf: That’s my line! You just keep stealing from me don’t you?

Fox: Steal? Like what?

Wolf: Like my medals, my certificates. You always bullied me.

Fox: ::Gets up:: Bully? You always bullied me!

Wolf: Since when? You were the bully. You stuffed shaving cream down my pants, placed a banana skin in the exhaust pipe of my car. You clogged up the engines of my plane. You gave me bad advice, bad info. You were the bully at academy, Fox! ::Gets up and heads for Fox::

Peppy: Now guys. Don’t forget. No fighting in the studio. And besides, this is the holiday of giving.

Wolf: Oh, I’ll give him something. ::Punches Fox. A fight breaks out::

::The Tesla Coil charges up:: [We hear large crackle of electricity] ::Lightning hits both Fox and Wolf::

Rudi: I think you set that a bit too high.

Peppy: What makes you say that?

Katt: They’re dead, you senile idiot!

Peppy: Ooh dear. The President isn’t going to like this?

James: Bill Clinton?

Peppy: No, the President of the SA Corporation. The guys who are funding this game show.

Voice of Director-General C. Wai, the President of the SA Corporation: (Wow. Hurt my hands just to type that in!) You bet I’m mad, Peppy! Now we have to waste $0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000001 just to bring them back to life. That’s about 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000015 of a Japanese Yen! Do you realise that we’re cheapskates?

::Lightning fries everyone in the room::

Director-General C. Wai: Whoops. Didn’t mean to direct it at everyone. Oh blast!

(5 years later)

Peppy: Right, now where were we?

Rudi: I can’t remember, it’s been 5 years since we’ve all seen each other.

JC: I think we’re on to asking me what the scores are.

Peppy: Oh yeah. What are the scores, James Caws?

JC: What?! You told me you liked lima beans. Now you say you don’t like them. I have two more cans to get rid of them. Next time you do a thing like that, I’ll eat my brains out! Both Star Wolf and Star Fox have four points!

Peppy: This is much better than last time.

Rudi: It sure is. The contestants are finally getting some points.

Peppy: Now it is time for the Crow round. So let us now bring up the Crow from Below, with the power of the ‘Caw’. Caw. Caw. Caw. Caw.

Rudi: Caw.

All: Caw.

Rudi: Cor Blimey!

::The crow rises from below::

Rudi: You know I was going to do a joke, but since it’s Christmas, I thought I’d lay them off.

All: Yay!

Rudi: Instead, I would like to sing a song. With Peppy accompanying me. ::Rudi and Peppy dance out on to the stage in front of JC’s drum kit. James started drumming on it professionally, while the two get out guitars::

Peppy: Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, er… something… seis.

::They start playing their guitars very loudly and head banging::

(Peppy? Head-banging? Now that’s a strange sight to see).

Rudi: [Singing to that song by Offspring, which we can't remember the name for] ||If you wanna hear what we have to say, don’t use a doggie dew, and we won’t walk away||

Peppy: That’s not the lyrics for that song. [Music stops]

Rudi: || He hangs around with the toilet crowd, and er… something… something… er…|| What did you say, Peppy?

Peppy: I said that’s not the lyrics.

Rudi: Well I can’t remember the lyrics.

Peppy: Well, let’s not do it, okay?

Rudi: Fine. ::They both walk back to their seats and sit underneath the crow::

Peppy: Well, as you can see from the feathers of the crow, there are many categories to choose. From. You pick a category, and answer a question. Now if you hear this sound…

Rudi: Pantartis! ::makes a strange face::

Peppy: That means you failed a question. And if you hear this sound…

Rudi: Fantanta! ::Makes another strange face::

Peppy: That means you have won, the secret, fabulous, Star Prize!

Andross: Fabulous? They’re always some cheap rubbish.

Peppy & Rudi: Oooh. Touchy. ::They bring out handbags and start stroking them. An evil light emanates from inside them::

Peppy: Anyway. Slippy. Choose your category.

Slippy: Guesses.

Peppy: Ooh, guesses. Well, come out here Slip. ::Walks out from behind desk and towards a handle bar attached to a rope:: Grab this handle bar. ::Slippy does:: Now, when we give the signal, you hold on and stand on your ground. On the other side of the rope is a man, animal or machine. We just don’t know. It will start pulling. You must guess what it is.

Rudi: Christmas Stars, starring Slippy Toad as the Weed in Tweed.

All: Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Slippy: Hey! I’m insulted!

Peppy: Oh come on Slip, lighten up. Besides, we haven’t got time for you to start punching Rudi into oblivion.

Rudi: He can’t hurt a fly.

Peppy: ::Trying to stifle a laugh:: Well, okay Slip. Pull away.

::They watch as Slippy struggles. The rope tightens. He is eventually pulled across the stage and falls down on to the ground, releasing the handle bar::

Peppy: So Slippy, what do you think that was?

Slippy: ::Gets up and returns to seat:: I think that was a tractor.

Rudi: Well, let’s see.

::Cut to Camera 6, which is following the rope::

Rudi: Well, let’s see. We have here… rope. More rope… Even more rope. And ah, there it is. A kitten.

::Cut back to studio::

Peppy: And what did Slip say? He said it was a tractor. Nope, Star Fox does not get a point.

Rudi: Pigma. Pick a category.

Pigma: Benders.

Rudi: Ooh. Benders. Well let’s see. Who is the President of Fortuna?

Pigma: Uh. The President of Fortuna?

Rudi: Nope. You have to listen more carefully. The answer is in the question. Who is the President of Fortuna.

Pigma: Oh, Who!

Rudi: It’s a bit too late for that. It’s a rather childish joke.

Peppy: Yeah. [Laughs] But seriously, what’s the answer?

Rudi: Well, Who. Who is the President of Fortuna.

Peppy: [Laughs] No, I’m asking you. What was the answer to that question?

Rudi: Who. That’s the answer, Who?

Peppy: Oh… [Laughs] I don’t know. Who is the President of Fortuna?

Rudi: You don’t get it do you? Who… is the President of Fortuna.

Peppy: ::Has blank look on face::

Rudi: Oh never mind.

Peppy: Katt. What category will you pick?

Katt: Men.

Peppy: No, we know you want men, but what category will you pick?

Katt: Men.

Peppy: [Angrily] What category will you…

Voice of C. Wai: Call in the MIBs!

[*Here come the Men in Bras. They won’t let you remember. Here come the Men in Bras. They are such silly b*st*rds!*] ::The Men In Bras take Peppy away to an Old Folk’s Home::

Voice of C. Wai: I’ll be taking over now. So, Katt, you picked the category of Men. Well, let’s see what you know, shall we? Which man owns the Biggest Nuts in the whole of Lylat? Is it Fox McCloud, James McCloud, Wolf O’Donnell, Andross or Fara Phoenix?

Fox: Excuse me? Fara?

Voice of C. Wai: Only Katt shall speak, you insolent fool!

Katt: Er, is it… Andross?

Andross: What?

Voice of C. Wai: The answer is none of them. You don’t have nuts in Lylat.

Fox: Hey, we do have nuts. It’s not as if we’re freaks or anything.

Voice of C. Wai: Really? Do you have any hazelnuts, or peanuts, or Brazil nuts over there?

Fox: Er… no.

Voice of C. Wai: Well, there you go. You do not have nuts in Lylat!

Rudi: Andrew. Pick a category.

Andrew: Er… X-Files.

Rudi: Fantanta!

Announcer: Yes, Fantanta indeed! Rudi, tell Andrew what he’s won.

Rudi: Andrew, you have won a free traffic update from Fara Phoenix.

Fara: Andrew. I’ve just checked the area you’ve parked in. It’s pretty congested right now, but don’t worry. It’ll be clearing up in no time. As for where you live: you can’t park anywhere because of the lack of spaces, but you could always park in my space. ::Walks up and gives Andrew a kiss before walking away::

Fox: Hey!

Rudi: You know, it never ceases to amaze me when I see her. It still surprises me to think that underneath that bra, is a man. Oh, well... Okay, here is your question, Andrew. Ich bin einen Deutschen Wolf, aber was ist die name für meine Katze? Wenn du kannst daß nicht zu beantworten, dann du musst einen Mann mit eine große Nase namen.

Andrew: What?

Rudi: Kannst du nicht Deutsch sprechen? Es ist sehr einfach. Du kannst nicht es ja nur versuchen!

Voice of C. Wai: I thought we told you to stop speaking in German!

Rudi: Entschuldigung!

Voice of C. Wai: You’re gonna get fried and fired!

Rudi: Sorry! So, Andrew, name a man with a big nose.

Andrew: Er… Prince Charles!

Rudi: I said big nose, not big Dumbo-like ears!

Andrew: [Shrugs]

Rudi: We would have accepted that actor guy with the big nose.

Voice of C. Wai: That’s the end of that round. So let us ask, what are the scores, James Caws?

Peppy: JC can’t be here at the moment, so I thought I’d fill in for him. ::He’s quickly dragged off stage by the MIB::

JC: Both Star Fox and Star Wolf have four points.

Voice of C. Wai: Right. That’s it. Now for the Quick Fire Question Round. As you may know, the questions are read out, and whoever presses the button first, answers it. When you hear this noise…

JC: Drop your pants, Sir William, I can not wait till lunchtime.

Voice of C. Wai: Then that means the round if over.

Rudi: Okay, here goes. Who owns the biggest butt in Lylat? Katt Monroe. Where is the biggest lake in Corneria? On top of Slippy’s bed, right next to his groins. Where do those Venomian fighters come from? We’ll tell you when a doctor with a flashlight comes in tomorrow for Andross’ check-up.

Katt: Hey! Rudi.

Rudi: Who is the biggest fart in the entire Lylat System? Peppy Hare. Who owns the biggest wig? Andross. Did General Pepper ever do drugs in the Sixties? Yes, 24-7. Why are we doing this? Because we are sods. Name a Christmas tradition. We eat a bloody, fat turkey that has been stuffed to death.

Fox: Hey, Rudi! You’re not giving us a change to answer the questions.

Rudi: Is Fox gay? Yes. Is Ian gay? No. Is Fara a male? Yes. Is Falco here? No. Is Katt sleeping with me? I hope so. Where is the well? Up my ***************************************************. Who owns the biggest *********************************? I do. Who is the m***** f***ing c**t who can f***ing s**k my c**k and f***ing like it? Andrew. Who does a lot of back seat driving? ****** Peppy. Why am I swearing a lot? Because I can *************************** get away with it. That’s *************************** why.

JC: Drop your pants, Sir William, I can not wait till lunchtime.

Rudi: So, James Caws, what are the scores?

JC: Both Star Wolf and Star Fox have four.

Voice of C. Wai: I’ve got a nasty idea. Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Both teams must select a player for our final Physical Challenge! Bring in… Fred, the Prince of the Opposite of Light!

Fred ! The Prince of Insufficient Light: ::Walks on to stage, wearing a devil’s suit, a cape, and holding a gigantic butter knife instead of a 3-pronged fork:: Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Rudi: Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

JC: Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Fox: Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Fred: Shut up! And Merry Christmas… and I darn you to Heck! I am… Fred, the Prince of Insufficient Light! And I am here to inflict the final Physical Round! [Demonic laughter]

Fox: I choose my father.

Wolf: I choose Andross.

Fred: Come! Come with me! Come to your doom! Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

::Both Andross and James walk hesitantly towards Rudi and Fred. The Prince of the Opposite of Light points at a table, and there is a puff of smoke::

Fred: Put your heads in these.

::Andross and James do it hesitantly::

Fred: As you can see, we have cut out eyeholes in the turkeys you are now wearing! You must wear these incredibly fat and big Christmas Turkeys on your heads while performing this challenge! Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Rudi: Yes, you will be delving your hands into these bowls of turkey stuffing. You will then scoop out a small ball, and throw it at this… ::Pulls away a black curtain, to reveal a large picture of Michael Jackson. The eyes are wiggling around, while the teeth are also wobbling around:: …a googly eyed, wobbly teethed Michael Jackson.

Fred: Yes, and you must do this, while being taunted by all of the Demons and Trolls of Heck!

::A nerdy man, in a jumper with glasses walks on to stage::

Man #1: Hi, I’m Ed from Accounting. The others are out at lunch. The lawyers will be coming very shortly too.

::Suddenly, a whole horde of lawyers and accountants stand to one side of Andross and James, saying strange things and taunting them::

Rudi: Now. If you hit an eye or a teeth, or the stuffing goes behind into the mouth, you will automatically get 5 American Dollars. If you hit anywhere else, you will receive 25 Cents. When you hear this sound…

JC: No… Lawyers… Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rudi: That means you must stop. On your marks. Get set. Go!

Lawyer #1: Can I sue anyone for you?

Lawyer #2: Surely Michael Jackson would want a lawyer for this, don’t you think?

Lawyer #3: I’m afraid it’s against the law to kill a man with turkey stuffing unless he is either a) a witch, or b) Michael Jackson.

Accountant #1: I like to type the number 6.

Accountant #2: Cripes! All this stuffing will cost us a fortune!

Accountant #3: Can’t we just lower your expenses by cutting back on labour costs?

Rudi: Ooh, Andross has $2.50!

Fred: James has $3.25!

Lawyer #3: Hurry up, I’m late for court!

Accountant #2: I like stuffing.

Rudi: No! Pigma, get away from that stuffing! You’re not supposed to eat it! Somebody stop him!

Accountant #1: Pigma, I understand you’re losing money. Please let me be your accountant.

Lawyer #1: We could sue you for libel. I’m sure of that.

Lawyer #3: Hey, if he’s suing you, can I be your lawyer? Please! I’ll do a good job. If I don’t win, you don’t have to pay.

Pigma: Argh! ::Runs away and dives into the well:: [Splash!]

James: I can’t take much more of this!

Andross: Feeling… weak… must go… on…

Accountant #1: With interest rates rising, I don’t think it’s feasible to wear that turkey on your head.

Rudi: Ooh, I’m not feeling so well. Can we get these…

JC: No… Lawyers… Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rudi: Yes! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Get out of here, you blood sucking demons! Hau ab! Oh, I mean…er, please could all the lawyers and accountants leave.

Fred: It looks as if James has won $20.50 and Andross has won $19.75.

Rudi: Don’t worry. The losing team will not be shot. It’s Christmas. Instead, I will be giving the Star Wolf Team, Carpskichords. ::Brings out a carpskichord:: Yes, on this ski, are attached five carps of varying size. You blow on one, and it makes the sound of a note. Basically, it’s a cheap musical instrument made out of a ski and 5 carps of varying size. Enjoy.

Everyone, including Peppy who is in a straightjacket: *It’s goodbye from Shooting Stars! Goodbye whoever you are! We’re all crazy, and all lazy. It’s goodbye from the Game Show, Shooting Stars!* [Music changes]

All: [Singing to the tune, "Jingle Bells"] * Darting through the snow, in a three-horse power engine sleigh
Over the fields he goes, farting all the way;
Engines revving loud, leaving a brown cloud
Bill Grey has to dash to the nearest toilet quickly now!

Bill Grey smells, Bill Grey smells, he really stinks of poo!
Terrible is this stench and there's nothing that we can do!
Help!
Bill Grey smells, Bill Grey smells, he really stinks of poo!
Terrible is this stench, and there's nothing we can do!

A day or two ago, he thought he'd go and eat
A large burrito as a festive Christmas treat.
But unfortunately, his stomach is a mess
And it soon resulted in painful nasty gas!

So over the fields he went, as quickly as he could;
Over snowy fields and through bad neighborhood.
Soon his farts began to leave big brown trail
And soon after that, a stain on his tail.

Woe betided Bill, fortune did not like him
For when he arrived there, Bill could not get in!
For he soon found that it was securely locked
And filled his pants with poo from the terrible shock!

Oh! Bill Grey smells, Bill Grey smells, he really stinks of poo!
Terrible is this stench and there's nothing we can do!
Bill Grey smells, Bill Grey smells, go and change your pants!
Hurry up before the stench reaches the whole of France!*

Holy Crap! I think I’ve short-circuited the Tesla Coil!

[Bang!]

See ya next week, or whenever we feel like making another Shooting Stars episode!

" Fox McCloud Superstar. He is gay and wears a woman’s bra."